Zukisms !!!

The Haircut

Series #1, Volume # 3

Zuk has just had a new haircut at a stylish uber-cool saloon with an extremely shaven look.

Zak: I see.. something is new.. Did you get a haircut?

Zuk: No.. its autumn and I am shedding!!

Zak: Haha.. but seriously.. what made you go for this next to nothing look?

Zuk: Fashion mags are saying the lesser the better.. skimpy is in.. so here I am.. skimpy from head to toe...node to node..

Zak: But you are fully clothed! Whats node?

Zuk: Head is bare and I have a hole in my socks.. start node to end node .. :P

Zukisms!!

Series #1;Vol #2

14^th February 2010

Zuk is spending his V-day lunch at a food court in the city mall

Tingle: What is the difference between “crush” and “love”?

Zuk: Well.. the difference is of taste...and of chronology..

Tingle: Taste ? What is love..hot? spicey? And whats the deal with order?

Zuk: If you crush before you love then its sweet .. but if you love before you crush.. its Eww!!

Tingle: Intense stuff! .hmm.. that was about love and the likes.. now tell me..what about friendship?

Zuk: I don’t believe in friendship..its not real…

Tingle: What..why??

Zuk: Its Tropicana !!! :P :P

Cardio-candy

Once upon a time in history.. I was a peppy teen and in those days.. everything was just a bit more brighter, more colourful, more dreamy... it was then that I wrote is poem on myself.. i was deep down "crushed" then with probably the biggest first crush of my life... and when I read it now.. I cant believe that I could be so corny!!.. but honestly.. its kinda innocently sweet... my non-peotic friends might not understand.. but i still like the last two lines :) Cheers to Mr Valentine for bringing it back to my mind..

I am smiling, though I dont intend to be,
I cant stop staring, even when there is nothing to see,

It feels like popping candy in my heart,
That goes crackling at his thought,
Im excited when there is thrill,
Im excited when there is not!

I declare it open, loud and bare,
No one believes me, but I dont care,

Im dying for a glimpse, I cant wait,
When it jumps in restlessness, my heart feels great,

I dont say it, so no one would know,
But look into my eyes, and its sparkling open show,

I pluck the lilly petals and count them short,
"Crushed I am".. "crushed I am not" !!

:) :) :)

Ribbons, glitter and stares.. He has arrived!!

I am on my way back from Pune.. its early morning, chilly by the window and I am reading.. “Old man and the sea”.. and right at this time.. he arrives.. he rattles me, and wakes me up.

He is a guy who is very ordinary looking, could pass off unnoticed on most occasions. Has uneven hair on his head, deep eyes and a smirk on his forehead. He is brilliant. He thinks he is smarter than most around him..but never condescending. He possesses an impossible combination of wit and humour. He makes jokes that most don’t understand. He thinks, never of the same things that others think of.He has ideas and theories. He loves words. He loves nature. He likes to go his own pace, his own direction, but is not a loner.

He is not too young for intelligent conversation, neither too old to enjoy a swing. It is he himself who knows him best. And then its me.

He is Zuk. He arrived in my head.

You will read more of him under “Zukisms”.. in the form of short conversational stories.. if and when I can story-tell.. keep watching this space. In the meanwhile… Zukisms is being launched on Adita Kandala’s blog to keep up the unconventional spirit of Zuk and his humour. Read the very first "Zukism" here. Its also a part of a bigger plan. You will figure out if you follow.

Enjoy !!

ML Chronicles #3

I swear this is the final one on ML... for now atleast!
The most interesting observation is that of wall advertisements on the locals. Although I dnt have such a good memory when it comes to remembering verbatim statements.. but 2 or 3 of them are quite prominent/common, and I will mention them here.

The most common one is this:
"Earn upto 20,000pm.. part time/full time job for girls/boys.. call 9867346790"
All of us have come across this while clinging onto our hancuffs and peeping through smelly shoulders. It always makes me imagine the kind of job that these places offer. Sometimes I have even considered calling them to find out what they have to offer.. afterall 20 grand in recession is not bad.. ;)
My wild imagination makes me think of crazy stuff like escort service, call girls, bar dancers at secret bars, surrogates (I remember this episodeof Lie to Me) etc etc.. imagination has no boundaries, only wings...

There are oher classic ones on growing tall, tiffin service, house on rent at Govandi etc etc.

Somehow, I distinctly remember these coming two classics:

An A4 size notice with big bold alphabets written all over. The heading read "MANCHAAHI SHAADI SPECIALIST".. :p... This was actually a tantrik or something who claimed to give you guarenteed benefit in matters of family fued, property dispute, troubles in your marriage, job search, or enabling your manchaahi shaadi.. i.e. obviating troubles in your wedding with your boyfriend/girlfriend... It was hilarious!!!! How on earth would this tantrik do all that? Will he have a team of gundas to give hul.. (hul as in dhamki.. not former HLL ;p).. or will he run away with the money after giving you some holy ash? Also, I had never before imagined that there could even be specialists in this field also... like oncologist, radiologist, gynocologist etc.. they have machaahi shaadi specialist!!

Another prize winner is this:
Picture a young beautiful lady lydonon her stomach n peeing out of this poster... she is looking at you - bit shy, but happy, but romantic... her hair falling on her shoulders.. she is wearing white coloured plain underpants and vest.. thats it. ANd the poster reads -
"The secret of my.....
What about you?"
A small logo of an undergarments compnay is displayed somewhere..hehe.. so cheesy!!
I am tempted to ask "The secret of my ..what??.. what could she be saying?

• Beauty (because I look so pretty in them)
• Happiness (bacause of 1 and 4)
• shyness (because i am being clicked half naked)
• Rocking xxx life (because my partner likes me for above 3) :P

Isnt this classic?

I find these very funny.. and interesting.. maybe I will specialise in local trains, or train posters.. what say?

ML Chronicles #2

My next observation in the local trains of Mumbai was that of names. Names of stations.

I would like to again mention that being from northern India, I am used to hearing areas with names that I can comprehend. For eg. In Delhi, we have different residential areas with the suffix "vihar".. such as Mayurvihar, Aanandvihar, Vasantvihar, Saritavihar etc or with "nagar" such as Sarojininagar, Motinagar, Malviyanagar, Lajpatnagar, Sundernagar etc. etc...
Similarly in Lucknow, there are names with "Ganj"...Saharaganj, Hazratganj, Ganeshganj etc..

All these names somehow make sense to me. At least I can infer the meanings of the names.. now if you notice the names of stations in Mumbai -
Chinchpokli
Wadala
Kurla
Mulund
Matunga
Bhayander
Dadar
Bandra
Or any other name.. Do you know what those mean??

I agree that I am an illiterate in Marathi.. but I swear, I have tried asking locals as well.. even they don't know.. Sometimes I wonder whether these names were given at a time when Mumbai was inhabited by non-marathi Manus.. some foreign colonies, or perhaps some aliens.

Logic prevails and I ask my dear erudite friend google for the answers... and interestingly there are answers:

• Chinchpoklicha Chintamani, the oldest and most famous Ganapati idol, sits very near to the Chinchpokli station during Ganesh festival, hence the name Chinchpokli
• The name of Kurla has originated from a name of a small fish "Kurli". This suburb is built on a seawater where earlier these small fishes were found
• Bandra comes from the hindi word Bandar, meaning Port

There aren't any evidences about the history of the name Dadar.. but the above discoveries make me believe that there could be..I have set the ball rolling, now it upto you to dwell over this, find more meanings to names you know and post them here...

ML Chronicles #1

No this is not Merrill Lynch.. nor/or Money Laundering.. this is our very own Mumbai locals that I am talking about.

Considering that I belong to Northern part of this country and have spent quite a long time in Saddi Dilli.. I have had my share of dreaded dreams of getting grinded between fat aunties while travelling between Bandra and Borivalli or falling in the gap between platform and train while trying to push myself inside a compartment at 3am in Dadar or reaching Thane while trying to unboard since Kurla. But somehow, since the summers of 2009, my abhorrence and reluctance to use the services of Mumbai's locals trains has diminished in certain ways as i have come to appreciate the efficiency of this unfailing machinery called Mumbai Local.

There are ofcourse other reasons as well.

I like to observe things, and the best part of Mumbai locals is that you get a lot to observe; specially when you have a full half hour kill, have a seat to fit your bill and the seat is not near a sill ;P. I noticed a lot of things during my two month daily summer sojourn and henceforth in every subsequent visit.

It started with purses. I used to travel in the ladies compartment of first class, which is basically 1/3 of a compartment with seating capacity of around 15 women, but carries around 50 during busy hours. I noticed that every woman carried a different kind of bag. In my whole observation period, I never even once came across two women carrying similar bags.

Whatever happened to mass production!

Their unique bags defined their unique selves. The classy fashion conscious ladies carried huge sack size bags with big buckles, and shiny finishes. The professional kinds always had shades of black and carried more stiff material bags, often huge enough to contain laptops. The married middle aged ladies always had two bags, one shoulder bag with normal stuff and another hand bag with eatables. Then there were the young ones who didn't earn enough to buy expensive branded bags but were fashion conscious and hence resorted to cheap copies from Linking road or Colaba. Not forgetting the college crowd, who always had these huge back packs (almost similar looking but never same) with 3-4 layers of chains and never wore them at the back, always in the front like kangaroos carrying their babies in their pockets.

Point is who makes them? And how come they never match for two people.. just like the DNA?