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Sunday, December 28, 2008

Experience therapy

Since the past few days I was a bit depressed about things around me. There was a sudden loss of sense of purpose and the motivation to do anything that I had previously, very willingly persuaded. I was sad about the way I was conducting life. Nothing had really turned out the way I had hoped.
I wasn’t happy to be a student at 24. I felt I was wasting life by not contributing anything to the world and only being a taker at this grown up age. People feel differently about themselves at this juncture. I was not convinced about mine.
Amidst all this, three things happened – a psychoanalytic test, a conversation and a book.
The test was called career anchors. It was meant to identify what anchors you to your career, or rather what you look for in your career. Not surprising, I scored high on “challenge”. Looking at that evaluation sheet I had clearly figured the reason for my dissatisfaction with myself. I knew I was unhappy because I was missing my anchor. I knew had to find one, and soon enough.
On one occasion I was sharing my thoughts with a friend about how I felt bad that I was being so unproductive these days, and he casually says, “I feel even a lazy Sunday afternoon is productive… it produces happiness”.. well! Well! Well!
This got me thinking… yeah.. he was damn right… indeed he was!!
My Christmas gift was a lovely book from secret Santa called ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’… it is a very unique book.. something like I’ve never read before… its starts with a whirl of emotions on the first page n carries on with the same intensity all along… beautifully written.. for the first time i felt that the author is someone much bigger than a common man. He has expressed such difficult thoughts so candidly. I reached the brim at every page..
The book taught me the right thing at the right time. I wanted to be happy and was chasing material accomplishments for that. I had left my previous job because, despite a posh life, it was not enjoyable. Maybe, I needed something else to keep me happy. And that something was spirituality. And that spirituality was my anchor.
Spirituality brings content.
It is a new feeling… and its serene.. its peaceful and calm.
I feel I have suddenly stopped, after chasing my shadow for years. I have gained sense.
I am much happier since the day I realized it. I want to cherish what I have got and value my relationships. I want to stop and feel what I have rather than chase what I don’t.
I am here to live my moment and not long for it. I have learnt to let go.
I have learnt to experience life.

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