Saturday, May 29, 2010

Miss K Confessions

Two years ago she was 2008-10-028 Sana Khan - A small name lost in a long list. A tiny girl hidden in the world of giant outspoken men and women. A girl who was only known to her close friends and closed at that. She had a big designation on her resume. Miss AVP.

But then, they discovered her. Somewhere in the middle benches of a 61 faced class where there sure was a “No 19” but actually no 19. In that chronicle of incredible talent she was 28. Sandwitched right between the finance God Rajarasmus and the page 3 goddess Rani of Ranchi. This was a land of opportunities. A land of new beginnings. She always thought she was a square peg in a round hole. But in this magical land, each peg was unlike the other and each one great in some way. You didn’t really had to fit in. You had to stand out.

The adventures of Jumanji were dwarfed in front the adventurous narrations of “Jijoji”. Narrations of stories in his life, in my life, in the life of the dog at the corner, etc or even in the life of Tushar Kapoor. She learnt story telling from him.

She learnt to “focus focus focus”. Focus on life. Focus on fun and focus on the power of networking.

Although she had no option to choose her co-dweller, she landed up with the perfect one. The Brightest star. The strategic star who loved bikes and automotive engineers ;).

In this land of magic, she discovered men who could really stand tall at times difficult and dark. They were the “tower” of strength. She learnt being positive from them.

There was also a “smoke buddy”, she found. The one that made all worries fly off like smoke. She learnt being fun from him.

She moved around in circles of scholarly intellect and remained a quiet listener most of the times. But those silent conversations, left her more learned than the books she never read.

She met lovers. “Lover of dogs”, “lovers of moon”, “lovers of skinny pleasures”, and “lovers faking not being in love”. She learnt love from them. And she loved those who loved her back, even those who didn’t.

She was no longer another face in a crowd. She was Miss K. She was Miss PGA. She was what she is today.

To all the people who made it worth the stay.

Tabula Rasa

The only place where it is less painful to fall in than come out is love-ville. Thats such a cheesy topic for a blog post that comes after a hundred years.

I just watched an old time favourite “Shall we dance” and thats where the thoughts came from. Well... that and other thoughts.

My life is a tabula rasa (thats a new word I have learnt and I totally love it. Plus its relevant here). All over again. I am not in love. I am not even in school anymore.

Its like the life cycle of a butterfly. Starts with egg, larva, caterpillar, cocoon and then flies out a beautiful colourful two (or is it four?) winged dancing butterfly...

... and then strangely enough.. the circle is closed back at the egg. I always wondered how the butterfly turns into the egg back again. As it turns out.. it graduates from a business school.

So here I am, angel faced cherub who just landed on the corporate planet and taking my shaking first steps all over again. Or am I fakign it?

Lol.. Its like I am trying to convince myself to be a certain way that a “new” guy is supposed to be. Irresponsible, inefficient and essentially a Y-type of personality. I mostly enjoy it. I have been trained for two years and given an additional degree for being that way. But sometimes I don’t. And I think of quitting..

Its strange. When you are doing something for the first time it is understandable to say that you don’t know how you are supposed to behave because you have never done it before. Its true for me also. I have never done a second time before!!

I am mostly talking non-sense and posting it on the web. But that is purely because I am feeling extremely confused and worthless and want to fake (yet again) that I am atleast doing something interesting. Please bare with me.

I’ll be back.


PS: Ever wondered why a butterfly is called a “butter” – fly. I am almost imagining a 500gram Amul butter slab gliding in air.